I've got a perfect body, but sometimes I forget. I've got a perfect body, 'cause my eyelashes catch my sweat- regina spektor

What is fat talk week?

1st watch this video

Clara said, “One day at a dance, people were calling me fat. I ran to the bathroom, crying so much that I ran into the door. Hearing girls laughing behind, I race into a stall and stay there for about ten minutes, to afraid to come out. Finally, when I thought I had cried myself out, I walked out of the bathroom and splashed my face with water. On the mirror was a note: “Honey, stand up for yourself. You are BEAUTIFUL! www.operationbeautiful.com" I took this note down, and it has changed my whole life. THANK YOU!”


real twitters from one college sorority:
"Yay, room is booked...now to lose half my body weight stat."

"I need to lose some weight before the NYC trip. I'm going for the skeletor look."

"Lesson of the day: thin to win."

"But I had to eat it because I only had one meal today. Ok I'm shutting up now. I'm sure I will continue to lose weight. One meal won't stop that."

"Fasted yesterday. How much weight did I lose? Fricking NONE!!! ARRGH!!!

"I was happy when I was thin."

"Ate too much. Feeling fat. Thinking thin. Starvation diet in place."

"Surviving on bread. Feel so thin already. HuHu!"

The struggle with the “Thin Ideal”

taken from www.endfattalk.com

She’s your mother, your daughter. She’s your neighbor or your best friend. No matter what you call her or the role she plays in your life… she’s a woman. And if she’s like most women, she’s struggled with body image dissatisfaction at one time in her life.

The term “body image” is used to describe how someone feels about his or her body. It’s about more than just physical appearance; it’s about one’s psychological thoughts and feelings, too. “Do I look okay? Am I pretty enough? Do I even fit in here? If I could just lose 5 more pounds or tone my thighs, I know they’d like me…”

Unfortunately, women everywhere are burdened with thoughts of negative body image—the thought that they might not measure up to the “thin ideal.” And these thoughts are only confirmed by retailers, magazine articles, runway models, TV commercials and movie trailers, who perpetuate an unattainable—and certainly unhealthy—ideal body type.

• Did you know that Barbie, the best selling fashion doll in the world, has unattainable and unhealthy body proportions? If she were alive, her waist would be smaller than patients with anorexia nervosa, and she would be unable to menstruate (Dittmar, Halliwell, & Ive, 2006). Research has shown that very young girls (ages 5-7) who are exposed to Barbie have lower body esteem and want a thinner body than they have.

• Did you know that fashion models are thinner than 98% of women in the United States (Smolak, 1996)? According to the National Eating Disorders Association, the average woman is 5’4” tall and weighs 140 pounds. Yet not surprisingly, the average model is 5’11” tall and weighs only 117 pounds.
• Did you know that more than half of American girls ages 18-25 would rather be hit by a truck than be fat? More than two-thirds would rather be mean or stupid. In her 2007 book Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters, Courtney Martin notes that 90% of high-school-aged girls think they are overweight.

It’s been suggested that body image dissatisfaction in females is a key factor in predicting unhealthy weight control behaviors as well as the development of some eating disorder symptoms. Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any psychological disorder and are one of the most prevalent disorders found in young women (Fairburn, Cooper, Doll, Norman, & O’Connor, 2000).

So whether she’s your sister or your coworker, a girl in your class or just a woman you know… it’s likely that she’s struggled with body image – just like you. Why should you care? Because we believe that body image is neither a sorority issue nor a collegiate issue. Body image dissatisfaction is a women’s issue. ‘And we believe it’s time to take a stand.

Would you believe?

81% of 10 year olds are afraid of being fat. 51% of 9 and 10 year old girls feel better about themselves if they are on a diet.
(Mellin LM, Irwin CE & Scully S, 1992)

Per Time Magazine, there is an 80% chance she has been on at least one diet by the time she is in fourth grade.

In the United States...

More than 2/3 of women ages 18-25 would rather be mean or stupid than be fat and over 50% would rather be hit by a truck.
(Martin, 2007)

1 in 4 women have avoided engaging in a physical activity or sport because they feel badly about the way they look.
(Dove, Beyond Stereotypes: Rebuilding the Foundation of Beauty Beliefs)

According to a national survey, 60% of adolescent girls are currently trying to lose weight(1) and more than 50% have engaged in unhealthy weight control behaviors such as fasting, skipping meals, vomiting or smoking in the past year(2). Girls who use dangerous weight control behaviors like vomiting are more likely to attempt suicide(3).
(1)http://www.cdc.gov/HealthyYouth/yrbs/pdf/yrbss07_mmwr.pdf; (2)Neumark-Sztainer, Story, Hannan, Perry, & Irving, 2002; (3)Crow, Eisenberg, Story, & Neumark-Sztainer, 2008)

Adolescent girls who are less satisfied with their bodies engage in less physical activity.
(Neumark-Sztainer, Paxton, Hannan, Haines, & Story, 2006)

Fashion models are thinner than 98% of women.
(Smolak, 1996)

As many as 10 million females are suffering from anorexia or bulimia. That's more than are suffering from breast cancer.
(National Eating Disorder Association)

Today I promise to eliminate Fat Talk from conversations with my friends, my family and myself.

Starting now, I will strive for a healthy ideal, which I know looks different for every woman, and focuses on health, not weight or size.

I will celebrate the things about myself and the women in my life that have nothing to do with how we look.

I decide to end Fat Talk NOW!

click to sign pledge

We need more of this:

On its own, the picture may not seem that incredible, but after flipping through 193 pages of uniform sample-size models, the image is striking. Rather than thinning her via Photoshop or having her sit in an unnatural pose, the model is shown with a bit of belly hanging over her underwear and slightly-bulging thighs, looking happy and genuinely confident. As Leive says, we've gotten to the point where showing a woman with folds in her skin or a belly that sticks out (who isn't in a "before and after" feature) is a radical move for a women's magazine, even though that's what every woman actually sees in the mirror every day.

Leive identifies the model as 20-year-old Lizzi Miller, who is "size 12-14 and avid softball player/belly dancer." Miller says of the fan mail she's receiving:

"When I read them I got teary-eyed!" she says. "I've been that girl, flipping through magazines trying to find just one person who looked a little bit like me. And when I didn't find it I would start to think there's something wrong with the way that I looked. When J. Lo and Beyoncé came out and were making curves sexy, I started to accept myself more. It's funny, but just seeing them look and feel sexy enabled me to do the same"

The November issue of Glamour is highlighting "real sized" women.


My Story

Growing up, I was naturally thin... minus my early childhood ( 30lbs at 6 months!!) haha yikes. I never had to worry about weight. However, I moved to fresno and it seemed like everyone was asking, "how are you so thin? what do you eat? etc". I had never really thought about those things before.. I never had to. However, I began to feel this pressure that I NEEDED to be concerned with what I ate. I started to notice that natural curves (ie puberty, i was a "late bloomer") were coming, and I perceived this as me being fat! I restricted what I ate significantly and exercised whenever I ate something "bad". I was fighting my own body! I remember there was even a time when I stopped having my periods. This was not healthy. I remember just fixating on food. All I could think about was, "what is going to be my next meal... what can I eat for the lowest calories... or how could I have eaten all of that"
This fixation opened my eyes up to that this was not healthy!
I didn't want my life to revolve around food!
If all I could think about was being thin, what GOOD could I accomplish?
I would avoid activities that involved food, or eating out, etc...
I couldn't trust myself around food.. the enemy.
Needless to say, I was very thin.
However, in my mind... I felt like I still had alot of work to do.

senior year

I remember looking at myself in the mirror that morning and thinking that my stomach wasn't flat enough & feeling "fat"
Then, one day, I remember going to someone's house for lunch with a bunch of other people.
I was starrvvviingg, but they were having frito chili boats.
Those were definitely "bad food" in my book.
If I were to eat those, I would definitely get "fat"
However, I found out after eating them, that my shape didn't change!
That's when the lightbulb went off.
I gradually started trying to change.
Slowly.
I know that is sounds so ridiculous, but disordered eating isn't logical.
It doesn't make sense.
From that point on, things didn't miraculously change,
to be honest I still struggle.
I still drop the 'f" bomb quite frequently (fat)
However, I'm trying to shift the focus to healthy.
I think that now I am definitely at my healthy weight.
Just by allowing my body to meet it's needs,
my shape has drastically changed.
I was seriously restricting my body of all curves!!!
Now... I've got curves
I've even had people look at old pictures and me now and ask if I have had a boob job.
I compare the two pictures and can't believe how different I look.
You know what, my body knew...
I am my own kind of beautiful, I just had to let it shine through.

I've got a perfect body, but sometimes I forget. I've got a perfect body, 'cause my eyelashes catch my sweat- regina spektor

please check out this blog.
she discusses her battles with "ned", her eating disorder

trick or treat

On October 31st,
watch the streets.
A lion and a hunter will be on the prowl .
Yup, that's right.
Andy and I decided on our costumes.
However, instead of actually shopping, I just decided to polyvore outfits.
It costs less and unlimited budgets are always a plus.
Maybe I'll just print this up and tape this to my shirt.
"No, really... I planned a costume."
haha... for some reason I doubt that it will have the same effect.

lion halloween by laurenista featuring Diane von Furstenberg

saturday school.

i'm sort of in love with this

can't stop laughing from this

want to be done with Saturday classes

so I can pick up one of these


happy weekend.
enjoy watching cartoons in pjs for me : )
or if you're andy, riding rollercoasters at Magic Mountain.

the perks of being a part of the illegal fresno resident patrol

Andy and I just celebrated the big FOUR MONTHS on Monday.

It seems that everyone keeps asking, "well, how'd you meet"?
our response, "facebook"
yes. really. i did meet andy through facebook!
Although we sometimes throw "eharmony" in there for kicks.
Surprisingly, reactions are no longer as shocked as you'd expect.
With the rise of the technology generation dating has soared to new heights.
Alright, alright so here's the low down:

Once upon a time, I was in Ohio; Columbus to be exact. My sister Kristin, had to go back to work for a month to receive her maternity leave benefits so I flew out to be her live-in nanny for a month.
(Then)
(Now)
meet Wyatt Emerson.
He is hands down the cutest nephew anyone could ask for.

While in Ohio, I was getting ready for my transition from attending BYU to moving back home to California. Scoping out the Fresno scene, I would hop onto the computer and check out what everyone was up to. Figuring that I was going to be single for a while,(I mean come on... it's fresno, right?) I was just seeing who was going to be in town, who was staying, etc. That is until I came across this picture on my cousin's page.

"A new guy in fresno, who's tall dark and handsome"??? haha I had to see what in the world was this guy's story. I messaged my cousin megan, and she was like, "oh, andy? very sweet guy, makes the best out of life. used to play minor league baseball."
Sure enough, I asked others and the good things kept flowing.
So, being the proactive person I am.. not one to sit around waiting, I sent him this:

subject: Dear illegal resident of Fresno
who are you? i thought i knew everyone, but apparently not. i'm headed home for summer, and i've been facebook stalking all things fresno and you keep popping up. i'm lauren. just thought i'd skip the awkward introductions and acquaintance phase and just automatically become friends on facebook. ha

He got it right away and sent me a facebook chat message, we exchanged numbers.. started texting... alot. haha
ohmygoodness. right away, i knew that this guy was something special.

I asked him what his voice sounds like, and he answered "fergie with a bit of jesus"
haha.
"oh he is a keeper" i thought.
My trick worked though : )
That night he called.

We started talking eveerryyy night.

He went on a trip with a bunch of people in fresno up to go four wheeling in hollister
and he told me beforehand that he didnt think that he had service...
but that night I got a call and during the day I got texts.
I come to find out that
he was driving up on to the top of a hill in order to get service to talk to me!andy (in his samurai) and group

It became a tradition, no matter what at night I'd get a phone call.
I'd call him at 2am after going on a dates (10pm fresno time) and we'd just talk and talk...
who knew that guys flock to ohio in the summer, aka sales guys. haha. disregard the blinding whiteness, it IS ohio afterall.

Ohmygoodness... I COULDN'T WAIT TO GET BACK TO FRESNO.
I don't think that I've ever felt that way before.
I was having so much fun in Ohio, but there was something about this guy that was very special...


We set up a time to go on a date...
3 HOURS AFTER I FLEW IN : )
we went to olive garden, tried on western garb at the boot barn and watched a movie.

this is on our second date... the clovis farmer's market

That first date just felt SO natural.
We came back to Andy's house and were watching a movie and his sister walked in and was like, "who is this"?
We just felt like we had known each other forever...
Of course we waited a week before making it official.
Another week later (we had to wait, of course) we said my favorite three words.
I love you.
The rest, my friends is history.

We celebrated, yes, the big FOUR is worth celebrating.
I feel like month anniversaries are like valentine's day...
and excuse to express love and i'm all for excuses if that's what it takes.

Andy came home to:
homemade lentil soup
Andy had been BEGGING me to make it since having it at my house.
&
hot homemade bread

I am crazy in love with Andy Underwood.
He is seriously the BEST guy that I know.
I'm the luckiest girl in the world.


You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there." -Bob Marley

i'm making a place for this is my future home:

these things, i know. part one.

Lately, the more contemplation that goes down...
the more that i realize that I DON'T KNOW.
The desire to travel, to explore, to immerse to live is strong.
I believe that truth isn't centrally located but rather scattered throughout and it is my job as a being to travel and gather as much TRUTH and GOOD possible.
While absolute knowledge is lacking and answers to countless questions remain left to be found, these things I do know:


1)Happiness is irrelevant to circumstance.
As humans we will ALWAYS be acted against. Within every moment we choose our reactions. YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE & your happiness. Own up to the choices that you've made... the things that you can't control MAKE THE MOST OF THEM.


Stop telling yourself that:
when you lose weight
when you meet that certain someone
when you graduate
when you have children
when you finally get away
or
if only i had brown hair
if only my parents weren't abusive
if only someone loved me,
that you will be happy... NEWSFLASH!!!! you wont.
If you're not happy, circumstance will not make you happy from an unhappy state.
It's not when, make it now or be miserable forever.
Wants will always arise... unattainable, insatiable wants that will never dissipate.
Love yourself, be happy with what you have and you will attract more good in the world that you know what to do with.

2) Love is what it's all about
As part of the human experience the greatest thing that can be experienced is LOVE. To love, and to allow others to love you. Embracing faults, not mere acceptance and seeing others in a glorified potential of light and possibility. Loving for not one has DONE, but for who one IS. To give without expectation of receiving... then receiving it back ten fold.
Love is life. Love is a choice just as life is choice.
You CAN choose who you love.
Stop waiting for it to happen. . . start loving. It is within your control. LET GO. be vulnerable. expose yourself. It's worth it, i promise.


3) Fear is the largest handicap

Working with a vast amount of adolescents and children with "disabilities" I came to realize that IN NO WAY are they disabled. We are "diss"ing their "abilities" when really we should look to them as an example. Working at break the barriers coaching swim to children of alllll abilities, volunteering for special olympics, and tutoring adolescents in ceramics I have been around a large group of heroes and heroines. They BELIEVE in themselves, and you know what? THEY ACCOMPLISH. We left the fear of failing so often CRIPPLE US. Life is about learning how to rid yourself of fear and become what you feel within. FLOURISH. If you dont, then your whole life is wasted. Believe in yourself. Get in touch with what you really want... then DO IT. So what is you fail? Isnt not trying also a form of failure? IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN If YOU DONT TRY.

made you think.

the sky was flooded with
HOT AIR BALLOONS
as i drove to work today.
I loved looking up and seeing them hover over rite aid, up and down the streets.
thank you woodward park festival of balloons.

All of my neighbors (people in other cars) were staring in awe.
I love how unexpected and beautiful this thing called life is.

Last night I had a good discussion.
You know those life ones.
Full of "what ifs"& "i thinks"
those are sort of my favorite.

everyone has a different take on what this thing called life is all about.
An explanation, a cause for order. . .
there is no shortage for attempts of an explanations
click here

PREFACE:
in no one way am i degrading any belief, just rather putting inner dialogue that exists in many others minds including my own...


Anyone who has studied the humanities, sociology, along with basics of science understands that everything exists merely as an EXPLANATION, a categorization of things that just cant be explained.
As humans we want everything to fit into little packages.
WE WANT TO KNOW WHY.
I don't know about you, I guess this is just ME...
but hear me out.
When I was little I think that every other word out of my mouth was "why".
why this? why that?
why authority?
This inquisitive nature as I got older sort of stopped... or at least slowed down.
Everything was handed to me in a NICE LITTLE PACKAGE!
Just what I wanted.
In this case it was in the form of religion.
It told me who to hang out with, what I wanted to do, What I should do, What I shouldn't do, What to believe, and how to be happy.
HELLO!!! How easy is that?
The danger is that you lose your curiousity... the search for truth!
Automatic acceptance of all doctrine from ANY SOURCE, or church in this case is dangerous.

Thank you Buddha.

Somewhere along the way I lost my voice and my reason.
Religion I've realized is not a destination, but rather a mechanism.
Nor should it be all enveloping. . .

A PIECE of my life. Not MY LIFE.

Nobody really KNOWS what the ultimate truth is.
Really knows.
Shoot, I've convinced myself that I "knew without a doubt"
BUT... i had doubts.
All the convincing in the world can't erase that gnawing suspicion...

I'm not talking about "believes" but KNOW in your heart of hearts, deepest deepest thoughts... down to the part where it's scary to think that its not.
Is enough to devote your entire life to one thing for the "just in case approach"
"Well even if what I believe isnt true, at least I'm a good person"
Then the question arises, then what constitutes good, since those guidelines become null and void.

The beginnings of religion began in order to explain things that couldnt be explained...
HELLO NICE LITTLE PACKAGE.
Why are the seas stormy?
Oh, well pray to the god of the seas if you want a safe voyage.
When he gets upset, you're in for a bumpy ride.
Read Odysseus. it's chalk full of these types of Gods.
God of wisdom... etc.


These explanations bring peace, order and understanding. . . .
BUT WHAT REALLY IS TRUTH?

All we are is a series of events.
Regrets have no place in life.
From mistakes comes new knowledge, truth.
In the absense of an event, that knowledge/experience is erased.
We cease to remain who we were before "Turning back time"

I think in order to find truth one must first and foremost be HONEST.
with oneself.
erase any preconceived thoughts.
what has been taught.
how you've been taught.
in addition--> Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis

take everything at face value.
CONFRONT the fear that comes realizing that what you thought to be true, may not be.
Whether you want to admit it or not... truth is truth and will reign.

Once you render that fear powerless...
that's where peace comes and
the search for truth prevails.

If you are doing what you believe will lead you to happiness... TRUE happiness, and you aren't happy.
CHANGE SOMETHING!
Ideas, thoughts, beliefs are meant to evolve, grow and flourish... LET THEM.


FIND TRUTH.
STOP AND THINK.
LET YOURSELF THINK.
THINKING CAN BE SCARY.
WHAT'S SCARIER IS TO NOT.
LIVE YOUR LIFE DELIBERATELY.

There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting.

more beans.

When I was a baby... I was a CHUNK.

30 LBS. at 6 months, I was hefty by any terms.
You can only guess what my first sentence was...

MORE BEANS!

haha ohmygoodness...
this past week I have rekindled my love for beans.


CONS:
They sort of have a bad rap ..

beans, beans the magical fruit,
the more you eat the more you toot.
the more you toot,
the better you feel
SO LETS HAVE BEANS FOR EVERY MEAL

Thank you elementary school for my nutritional knowledge.
Yes, they have fiber...
if you're used to only big macs and fries then maybe you'll experience some of the aforementioned side effects.

Back to the PROs list:
They are so delicious, versatile, annndd are a nutritional powerhouse.
Full of protein, fiber and double as a vegetable (not to mention that eating 2 cups/wk reduces your chances of diabetes by 40%).

9 REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD EAT BEANS
http://www.blissplan.com/wellness-fitness/the-benefits-of-beans-9-reasons-why-you-should-eat-beans/

Some of my favorites:
Black Beans
-make a delicious addition to burritos & salads
White Beans
-mix them into soup/ spoon them over a baked potato

More beans?

http://www.self.com/fooddiet/blogs/healthybites/2009/09/recipe-roundup-beans-beans.html


ps: I WANT TO LIVE HERE

pps: got a gym membership yesterday to get my booty in shape. : )
ran 3 miles.
I decided that i am going to make myself become addicted to running.
What a wonderful vice... to NEED to run.

itunes. iworkout. i-need:

tonight. we are going to get acquainted.

what's your favorite workout jams???
I need some uppity : )

boulders. berries. beans.

Andy and I decided that today would be a greaaattt day to take a hike.
We went up past bass lake, don't ask me the coordinates, for those who know me know that directions are in no way my forte.



Anyways, we are told by andy's dad to take the right trail first, then the left...
well, we ended up on the right, which wasn't really a trail...
just HUGE BOULDERS.

haha quite entertaining actually.
but at the end was a beautiful waterfall.
WE COULDN'T FIND THE LEFT TRAIL FOR THE LIFE OF US.
So, up and down boulders for us.
Andy even gathered some berries which he was convinced were going to give him shiga toxin... AGAIN. haha but still he couldn't resist. Hopefully he's still alive tomorrow ; )
The weather was absolutely gorgeous and the surroundings breathtaking.
We had so much fun.
Finally as we were getting ready to leave we found the left trail!!!
Complete with bridges and flat ground!!! so nice.

we left our mark.. see if you can find it.

Following our hike we went to a local mexican restaurant and I had THE most delicious tostada (pronounced: toast TADA!) ever. lettuce. chicken. tomatoes. mmm! okay, that doesnt sound so great, but really it was delicious and only $4.50. woot. woot go ala cart menu items.
andy wasn't as fortunate.
he ordered a chicken burrito and found himself keeping company to a green pepper and onion (which according to andy= yuck) burrito with like two pieces of chicken.
no bueno.
ay yai yai!
However, it was still quite the day : ) Even yucky burritos couldnt bring us down.


Anyways, it was basically a perfect tuesday : )