i'm making a place for this is my future home:

these things, i know. part one.

Lately, the more contemplation that goes down...
the more that i realize that I DON'T KNOW.
The desire to travel, to explore, to immerse to live is strong.
I believe that truth isn't centrally located but rather scattered throughout and it is my job as a being to travel and gather as much TRUTH and GOOD possible.
While absolute knowledge is lacking and answers to countless questions remain left to be found, these things I do know:


1)Happiness is irrelevant to circumstance.
As humans we will ALWAYS be acted against. Within every moment we choose our reactions. YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE & your happiness. Own up to the choices that you've made... the things that you can't control MAKE THE MOST OF THEM.


Stop telling yourself that:
when you lose weight
when you meet that certain someone
when you graduate
when you have children
when you finally get away
or
if only i had brown hair
if only my parents weren't abusive
if only someone loved me,
that you will be happy... NEWSFLASH!!!! you wont.
If you're not happy, circumstance will not make you happy from an unhappy state.
It's not when, make it now or be miserable forever.
Wants will always arise... unattainable, insatiable wants that will never dissipate.
Love yourself, be happy with what you have and you will attract more good in the world that you know what to do with.

2) Love is what it's all about
As part of the human experience the greatest thing that can be experienced is LOVE. To love, and to allow others to love you. Embracing faults, not mere acceptance and seeing others in a glorified potential of light and possibility. Loving for not one has DONE, but for who one IS. To give without expectation of receiving... then receiving it back ten fold.
Love is life. Love is a choice just as life is choice.
You CAN choose who you love.
Stop waiting for it to happen. . . start loving. It is within your control. LET GO. be vulnerable. expose yourself. It's worth it, i promise.


3) Fear is the largest handicap

Working with a vast amount of adolescents and children with "disabilities" I came to realize that IN NO WAY are they disabled. We are "diss"ing their "abilities" when really we should look to them as an example. Working at break the barriers coaching swim to children of alllll abilities, volunteering for special olympics, and tutoring adolescents in ceramics I have been around a large group of heroes and heroines. They BELIEVE in themselves, and you know what? THEY ACCOMPLISH. We left the fear of failing so often CRIPPLE US. Life is about learning how to rid yourself of fear and become what you feel within. FLOURISH. If you dont, then your whole life is wasted. Believe in yourself. Get in touch with what you really want... then DO IT. So what is you fail? Isnt not trying also a form of failure? IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN If YOU DONT TRY.

made you think.

the sky was flooded with
HOT AIR BALLOONS
as i drove to work today.
I loved looking up and seeing them hover over rite aid, up and down the streets.
thank you woodward park festival of balloons.

All of my neighbors (people in other cars) were staring in awe.
I love how unexpected and beautiful this thing called life is.

Last night I had a good discussion.
You know those life ones.
Full of "what ifs"& "i thinks"
those are sort of my favorite.

everyone has a different take on what this thing called life is all about.
An explanation, a cause for order. . .
there is no shortage for attempts of an explanations
click here

PREFACE:
in no one way am i degrading any belief, just rather putting inner dialogue that exists in many others minds including my own...


Anyone who has studied the humanities, sociology, along with basics of science understands that everything exists merely as an EXPLANATION, a categorization of things that just cant be explained.
As humans we want everything to fit into little packages.
WE WANT TO KNOW WHY.
I don't know about you, I guess this is just ME...
but hear me out.
When I was little I think that every other word out of my mouth was "why".
why this? why that?
why authority?
This inquisitive nature as I got older sort of stopped... or at least slowed down.
Everything was handed to me in a NICE LITTLE PACKAGE!
Just what I wanted.
In this case it was in the form of religion.
It told me who to hang out with, what I wanted to do, What I should do, What I shouldn't do, What to believe, and how to be happy.
HELLO!!! How easy is that?
The danger is that you lose your curiousity... the search for truth!
Automatic acceptance of all doctrine from ANY SOURCE, or church in this case is dangerous.

Thank you Buddha.

Somewhere along the way I lost my voice and my reason.
Religion I've realized is not a destination, but rather a mechanism.
Nor should it be all enveloping. . .

A PIECE of my life. Not MY LIFE.

Nobody really KNOWS what the ultimate truth is.
Really knows.
Shoot, I've convinced myself that I "knew without a doubt"
BUT... i had doubts.
All the convincing in the world can't erase that gnawing suspicion...

I'm not talking about "believes" but KNOW in your heart of hearts, deepest deepest thoughts... down to the part where it's scary to think that its not.
Is enough to devote your entire life to one thing for the "just in case approach"
"Well even if what I believe isnt true, at least I'm a good person"
Then the question arises, then what constitutes good, since those guidelines become null and void.

The beginnings of religion began in order to explain things that couldnt be explained...
HELLO NICE LITTLE PACKAGE.
Why are the seas stormy?
Oh, well pray to the god of the seas if you want a safe voyage.
When he gets upset, you're in for a bumpy ride.
Read Odysseus. it's chalk full of these types of Gods.
God of wisdom... etc.


These explanations bring peace, order and understanding. . . .
BUT WHAT REALLY IS TRUTH?

All we are is a series of events.
Regrets have no place in life.
From mistakes comes new knowledge, truth.
In the absense of an event, that knowledge/experience is erased.
We cease to remain who we were before "Turning back time"

I think in order to find truth one must first and foremost be HONEST.
with oneself.
erase any preconceived thoughts.
what has been taught.
how you've been taught.
in addition--> Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis

take everything at face value.
CONFRONT the fear that comes realizing that what you thought to be true, may not be.
Whether you want to admit it or not... truth is truth and will reign.

Once you render that fear powerless...
that's where peace comes and
the search for truth prevails.

If you are doing what you believe will lead you to happiness... TRUE happiness, and you aren't happy.
CHANGE SOMETHING!
Ideas, thoughts, beliefs are meant to evolve, grow and flourish... LET THEM.


FIND TRUTH.
STOP AND THINK.
LET YOURSELF THINK.
THINKING CAN BE SCARY.
WHAT'S SCARIER IS TO NOT.
LIVE YOUR LIFE DELIBERATELY.

There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting.

more beans.

When I was a baby... I was a CHUNK.

30 LBS. at 6 months, I was hefty by any terms.
You can only guess what my first sentence was...

MORE BEANS!

haha ohmygoodness...
this past week I have rekindled my love for beans.


CONS:
They sort of have a bad rap ..

beans, beans the magical fruit,
the more you eat the more you toot.
the more you toot,
the better you feel
SO LETS HAVE BEANS FOR EVERY MEAL

Thank you elementary school for my nutritional knowledge.
Yes, they have fiber...
if you're used to only big macs and fries then maybe you'll experience some of the aforementioned side effects.

Back to the PROs list:
They are so delicious, versatile, annndd are a nutritional powerhouse.
Full of protein, fiber and double as a vegetable (not to mention that eating 2 cups/wk reduces your chances of diabetes by 40%).

9 REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD EAT BEANS
http://www.blissplan.com/wellness-fitness/the-benefits-of-beans-9-reasons-why-you-should-eat-beans/

Some of my favorites:
Black Beans
-make a delicious addition to burritos & salads
White Beans
-mix them into soup/ spoon them over a baked potato

More beans?

http://www.self.com/fooddiet/blogs/healthybites/2009/09/recipe-roundup-beans-beans.html


ps: I WANT TO LIVE HERE

pps: got a gym membership yesterday to get my booty in shape. : )
ran 3 miles.
I decided that i am going to make myself become addicted to running.
What a wonderful vice... to NEED to run.

itunes. iworkout. i-need:

tonight. we are going to get acquainted.

what's your favorite workout jams???
I need some uppity : )

boulders. berries. beans.

Andy and I decided that today would be a greaaattt day to take a hike.
We went up past bass lake, don't ask me the coordinates, for those who know me know that directions are in no way my forte.



Anyways, we are told by andy's dad to take the right trail first, then the left...
well, we ended up on the right, which wasn't really a trail...
just HUGE BOULDERS.

haha quite entertaining actually.
but at the end was a beautiful waterfall.
WE COULDN'T FIND THE LEFT TRAIL FOR THE LIFE OF US.
So, up and down boulders for us.
Andy even gathered some berries which he was convinced were going to give him shiga toxin... AGAIN. haha but still he couldn't resist. Hopefully he's still alive tomorrow ; )
The weather was absolutely gorgeous and the surroundings breathtaking.
We had so much fun.
Finally as we were getting ready to leave we found the left trail!!!
Complete with bridges and flat ground!!! so nice.

we left our mark.. see if you can find it.

Following our hike we went to a local mexican restaurant and I had THE most delicious tostada (pronounced: toast TADA!) ever. lettuce. chicken. tomatoes. mmm! okay, that doesnt sound so great, but really it was delicious and only $4.50. woot. woot go ala cart menu items.
andy wasn't as fortunate.
he ordered a chicken burrito and found himself keeping company to a green pepper and onion (which according to andy= yuck) burrito with like two pieces of chicken.
no bueno.
ay yai yai!
However, it was still quite the day : ) Even yucky burritos couldnt bring us down.


Anyways, it was basically a perfect tuesday : )

you can't erase knowledge.

First of all
Click here.

I've been busy.
With what you ask?

Andy decided it'd be fun to go on some dates to the emergency room...
I should have told him that he didn't need to get some deathly illness: aka shiga toxin in order to visit.
jussstt kidding.
Thursday officially was the worst day of his life.
It included:
getting a filling on a wisdom tooth { with me assisting dr. malan. andy let me use him as my guinea pig }
then getting dealthly ill.
visiting the emergency room at 11.
leaving the emergency room at 5.
visiting a 24 hr. walgreens across town to get prescription.
then repeating the emergency room scenario the next day.
YUCK.
he is doing MUCH better now : )
But for about 3 days straight I got a pretty good feel of what it's like to be the caretaker of a dying person.

Besides taking care of Andy, I've been keeping busy with this hunky cutie.


Brennan is officially the coolest, sweetest, most hilarious, adorable baby {almost one next month!}.
I'm lucky to be his nanny : )

oh.. & guess what!
I caught this whopper...
Yes.. you are seeing correctly! That sucker was at LEAST half of my upper arm in length.
hahahaha...
So, the fish weren't really biting that day something about full moons? ask andy...
Anyways. I did it! I'm officially a fisherwoman.

What else has been going on.
oh yes, andy and i have been busy getting fat.
aka eating more and exercising less... or zero.
ayyyyikes.
that's gotta change.
no more homemade pazookies. bagels. ice cream. take out. umm.. gross. we are disgusting.

if you see me reaching for that brownie, remind me how many miles i'd have to run to burn that off. hahaha.
=

In conclusion,